Lessons from a Cancer Journey

Today has been a day for relaxing and writing. I spent the morning working on a flyer and doing other stuff for the Parliament. I wrote article for "The Western Friend." Then I made lunch for a friend who came for a visit. Finally, I planted some impatiens outside my door. This involved swinging a pick axe and yanking up some spider plants. I made sure I apologize to the plants I was whacking.

Tonight I am going to a free concert at Marina del Rey with Cathleen and Ruth, members of my Meeting. I am looking forward to hearing some Vaugh Williams, Debussy, and Rach's 3rd.

Here's what I wrote in my article, called "Live Your Life as if Everything that Happens is Something you Prayed For: Some Lessons from a Cancer Journey"

I have learned many lessons from [my cancer journey], but I want to share just a few here.

To married couples who have expressed admiration for how Kathleen and I behaved during our cancer journey, I say: Everyone who marries, and is faithful, will probably undergo something similar to what we experienced. When you marry, you make a vow to love someone “in sickness and health, till death do us part.” Sooner or later, you will have to decide whether or not to keep that vow. Not everyone does. Some decide to divorce their spouse, or have an affair, or act in other ways that seem to me deplorable. But if you decide to be faithful, you will have an opportunity to deepen your love in ways beyond imagining. I enjoyed twenty wonderful years of marriage, and in many ways the last year was the best. When my wife had beautiful long hair, it was easy to love her. When she became bald and had a tube sticking out of her chest, it was still easy to love her. As Shakespeare says, “Love does not alter when it alteration finds.” Despite, or perhaps because of our adversities, our love grew stronger. We drew closer to each other, as well as to our family and friends and to God.

I also learned that that our Quaker testimony on community takes on new meaning and importance during a life-threatening illness. It takes a whole community to bring healing and hope to those facing a health crisis or the loss of a loved one. I can’t imagine how anyone could endure such experiences alone, or without some kind of religious faith.
Community can be especially important to those who are unmarried. Our spiritual community can become our spiritual family.

From the very beginning, my meeting set up a care committee to meet with Kathleen and me. Over the course of our cancer journey, this committee visited us at home as well as in the hospital. These visits included times of worship as well as sharing and were enormously helpful.

We also received phone calls, cards, and emails that cheered us up and reminded us that we were not alone. Our caringbrige blog became a way to stay connected with our friends and family on a daily basis.

We took part in a cancer support group at the Wellness Community and become part of the wider cancer community by going to conferences and other events geared towards cancer patients.

I came to know in a new way people who had survived cancer and had life-changing experiences. One of them was Rolene Walker, who survived breast cancer and is now walking from San Diego to Santiago, Chile, spreading a message of environmentalism. Rolene and I have been friends for twenty years. When she heard about Kathleen’s situation, she called us from Mexico City to give us support and encouragement. I was deeply touched.

During this past year, my heart has opened up in new ways to people who are struggling with health issues. I started taking elderly people to the hospital, and listening with more care and attention when people told me of their bouts with sickness.

Little by little I came to understand what “pastoral care” means. Quakers do not have paid pastors, but we nonetheless need to provide pastoral care for each other as we go through life’s challenges. It is helpful to be trained for this role—and many Friends who give pastoral care have been trained as psychologists or social workers. But sometimes experience is the best teacher.

For most of my life as a Friend, I have seen myself primarily as a peace activist. But during the past year, and especially now that my wife has passed on, I also see myself also as a kind of pastor. A pastor is someone who listens compassionately, who cares deeply, and is present for those going through difficult times. This is what I now feel called to do. It is something that I feel many Friends [and others] could also do, if we helped them to discern this gift and to develop it.

You don't need to be a professional to be pastoral: you just need to listen with your whole heart!

Networking for Peace...

Like most nonprofits, the American Friends Service Committee is suffering from a shortage of funds. Fortunately, it is not suffering from a shortage of enthusiasm. During my visit to the office this morning, I was impressed by the commitment and energy of the staff, who are pictured here: Maricela Gusman (a veteran for peace who does counter-recuitment work), Eisha Mason (associate regional director and veteran nonviolence practitioner/educator), and Anthony Marsh, who has worked for a variety of peace organizations ranging from FOR to Interfaith Inventions. I talked with them about the Parliament's upcoming Gandhi event at USC and they agreed to put together a workshop that I'm sure will inspire students to become peace activists.


During our conversation, I handed out my new calling card, of which I am quite proud (if Quakers can be allowed to feel pride). It reads "Quaker peace activist" and lists some of the organizations that I am involved with. Anthony noted that I failed to mention the AFSC, and I was glad to be "eldered" by this young non-Friend. It seems ironic (and yet appropriate somehow) that Anthony, a non-Quaker, would have to remind Anthony, the Quaker, to claim as his own an organization that he has served (and been nurtured by) for over twenty years!


Is it possible that we Quakers take the AFSC for granted? I suspect that many of us do, even we old-timers, and I hope that Friends will be led to rally around the AFSC during a time when every Friendly hand (and dollar) is needed.



Another topic we discussed was the upcoming World March for Peace. On Sunday I attended a meeting of this group, which was led by Phillip Freeman and Mayra Gomez and included such peace notables as Blase and Teresa Bonpane, who started the Office of the Americas to advocate on behalf of the peoples of Latin America. The leaders of many Latin American countries are supporting the World March for Peace, which should make it even more appealing here in LA, with its large Hispanic population. I was pleased to learn that the AFSC staff are very supportive of this March and are exploring ways in which to become actively involved. (For more info, click
http://theworldmarch.org/).


Last night I went to the Church in Ocean Park, a hotbed and refuge for progressives on the West Side, and had a spaghetti dinner with two stalwart peace people, Jerry Rubin and Bill McCarthy, the founder and president of the Unity Foundation. Jerry is a tireless activist and unabashed tree hugger who organizes a monthly activist support group at Santa Monica Meeting (to which I have been invited to speak). When we had coffee at Starbucks, Jerry showed a button that said "Make coffee, not war" and asked for a peace sign to be written on his coffee cup. He got into a friendly conversation about peace matters with the employees that made them smile, and think. Jerry never misses an opportunity to promote peace!

Bill produces a TV program called "Positive Spin." Through an organization called "Roots and Shoots" Bill is helping to organize a UN Day of Peace event in the Santa Monica pier on September 20. (See http://www.cultureofpeace.org/ and the information below. )

I was very impressed when Bill told me about the Day of Peace event since I watched a memorable documentary about how this event got started by an inspired rock musician named Jeremy Gilley (see http://www.peaceoneday.org/en/welcome).

I was also intrigued to hear that Jane Goodall will be involved since two years ago Christian, a 13-year-old member of my wife's church who had cancer, went to the "Roots and Shoots" event in Griffith Park expressly to see Jane Goodall whom he admired and aspired to be like. When Goodall heard about Christian, she went over to see him and boosted his spirits by encouraging him to follow his dream of becoming a marine biologist. Christian bought me a peace t-shirt from this event, which I love to wear since it reminds me of him and of his encounter with this amazing woman. (Christian died of cancer a week before my wife, and I am sure the two of them are rejoicing together among the heavenly creatures.)

Click here to see the event in Griffith Park on YouTube.

Roots & Shoots California Celebrates United Nations International Day of Peace

Dr. Jane's Day of Peace Invitation

When: Sunday, September 20, 2009 11 am - 4 pm.
Where: Santa Monica Pier, Santa Monica, California.
Who: All ages, groups and community members are welcome to attend and celebrate the Roots & Shoots International Day of Peace on September 20.
Enjoy arts, crafts, games, Eco-friendly exhibitors and non-profits and much more. Local celebrity appearances and entertainment will add to the celebration. Click here for more information on the history of the Day of Peace.

Tis a gift to be diverse....

I am pleased that Pacific Yearly Meeting Friends are open to diversity and pluralism. One sign of this was the warm reception that Friends gave to Imam Ali Siddiqui, a world-renowned Islamic scholar/activist. (See http://www.onenationforall.org/Find-an-Expert/Find-by-Expertise/Education/Imam-Ali-Siddiqui.html)

He was invited to speak by David Hoffman, a Northern California Friend who has a deep commitment to interfaith work. David is pictured here with Imam Siddiqui and yours truly.

Around thirty or so Friends gathered to hear Siddiqui speak and answer questions on a wide range of topics, from women's issues to the economy. He spoke with wisdom and grace and was well received. He was accompanied by a Sufi named Rashid Patch, founder of the Alalusi Foundation. Friends found Rashid so fascinating that some of them engaged him in conversation for over an hour after Iman Siddiqui's talk ended.

As I prepare myself spiritually for the Ramadan fast--which I have been observing since 9/11--I am glad that Friends are open to learning from our Muslim brothers and sisters. My own faith has been deepened by reading the Quran and working with Muslims concerned with justice and peace. I feel blessed by having such wonderful Muslim friends, some of whom were very supportive when Kathleen and I went through our cancer journey.

Another blessing has been the long-awaited publication of the book "Fit For Freedom, Not for Friendship." This book project was started many years ago by Friends General Conference so that Friends could seriously address issues of racism in our history. While it is true that Quakers were in the forefront of the anti-slavery and Civil Rights movement, we have not always been welcoming to people of color, as Henry Cadbury pointed out in a study he undertook in the 1930s. This book is more than an historical study of our checkered past, it is also a effort to engage the Religious Society of Friends in an ongoing dialogue about race that will help us to become more open and inclusive. One of its authors, Vanessa Julye, is of African American descent; while the other, Donna McDaniel, is of European descent. Together they bring a balanced perspective to this highly charged topic and model what interracial friendship is all about.

I confess that I have only read the beginning of this book since it just came out. But what I have read convinces me it is an important study that every Friend should take the trouble to read carefully.

FGC has placed a talk by Vanessa and Donna on youtube which is definitely worth watching. You can learn more about this book and see the video at http://www.fgcquaker.org/fit-for-freedom

I am also delightedthat Vanessa Julye has been coming to our Yearly Meeting to help us to have a deeper dialogue about race. Her ministry has been invaluable.

Other good news from YM: Friends approved a minute endorsing single payer as the best option for solving the health care crisis in the USA. Now if only our elected officials would listen to us instead of to all the special interests plying them with big bucks!

"Here comes the sun..." A new youth program at PYM

After five days of gray, foggy weather at Walker Creek Ranch, the sun broke through the clouds, and blue skies appeared, just as we were coming to a decision about hiring a full-time youth coordinator.

A coincidence? Perhaps, but I don't think so....

Coming to this point had been a long, tough slog. During our first consideration of this proposal, we had not come to unity and the clerk called us back for a second session that lasted almost two hours longer than anticipated. As a result, we had to cancel interest groups and were late to dinner.

The old Quaker expression “laboring with a concern” vividly describes what we went through. We were like a mother giving birth as we struggled over whether or not to move forward with this proposal.

The youth were unanimously and passionately in favor of hiring a youth coordinator, and so were most adults who had worked with youth. The youth and their adult supporters had done painstaking research to prepare their proposal and had visited or contacted over 20 meetings for feedback, which was mostly positive. They also consulted with other YMs that had hired youth coordinators. They developed a budget, goals and objectives, an evaluation process, and a job description for the coordinator. Their report (including appendices) was over 120 pages long.

But for some Friends, this was not enough. They were concerned about the cost, which would double the assessment from $38 to $72. They felt that the age range was too broad, from pre-teen to young adult, and would doom the program to failure. They felt that the YM did not have the experience and competence to run such a program. They questioned whether the YM should even hire a paid staff person, since we are committed to being an all volunteer organization (unlike the “other” PYM, Philadelphia Yearly Meeting, which has 30 plus paid staff). Two Friends with considerable experience in youth work felt that they had a better plan, one that would cost much less and focus not on a coordinator, but on empowering local meetings.

Underlying many of these concerns was the old bugaboo: fear of change, and suspicion of young people.

Some older Friends expressed their concerns in ways that sometimes felt hurtful to young people, such as referring to the program as "five parties a year." Some adults were annoyed when young people expressed joy and said “This Friend speaks my mind” whenever someone expressed a viewpoint they approved.

During this time of laboring, the clerk showed amazing patience and allowed the Spirit to work. He called for periods of silent worship so that we could reflect more deeply. He stayed firm and clear when strong feelings were expressed. As a result, we were able to listen to the deep wisdom and the "still, small voice" that arose from our youth, and from adults.

Little by little, slowly and often unsurely, we came to unity.

A turning point came when a weighty elder arose and expressed his concerns that the program was ill conceived and doomed to failure. He spoke eloquently and convincingly, as is his wont.

Then another weighty Friend arose and shared a personal story.

“In high school my daughter had the idea of hanging up a huge condom in front of her high school on AIDs awareness day,” this mother explained. “I told her this was a terrible idea and she shouldn't do it. A few hours later, around 10 PM, I got a call from my daughter. Her friend was stuck in a palm tree in front of the high school. Would I come to help? So my husband and I went to the school, brought ladders and other equipment we needed, and we helped her to put up the condom. It turned out to be a great attention getter and was written up in the local paper.”

As she told this story, laughter erupted in the room and it became clear that if the program did go awry, we older Friends would do everything in our power to make it work.

As the mood shifted from fear to trust, from "No, we shouldn't" to "Yes, we can," it became clear that Spirit was calling us to make a leap of faith and to trust in our young people. As we came to unity and approved the proposal, I heard in the back of my mind the Beatles’ song: “Here comes the sun…”

It was an historic moment, one that makes me happy I am a Friend. I have a deep commitment to youth and to youth work. The picture in today's blog shows Pat Smith and her husband Steve. Pat was the clerk of the Southern California youth service program, and it couldn't have succeeded without her wise, patient, and loving efforts.

I was especially happy to see that several of the young adults leading this effort to hire a full-time youth coordinator had been active in the AFSC/SCQM youth service program that I helped to start fifteen years ago. Thanks in part to that program, they have the confidence to affirm: "Yes, we can!"

This has been a week of tears and laughter, as it says in the old song: "Give yourself to love." In an earlier posting I mentioned that I encountered a lot of Friends who are grieving the loss of loved ones.

During our meeting for memorials I rose and reminded Friends of my wife, who was not listed but had come to YM meeting several times and was instrumental in my decision to come to California. "I wouldn't be here if it weren't for Kathleen," I explained. "She has been my inspiration."

On the final night of YM, my grieving turned to laughter. During "family night" Friends of all ages did silly skits, sang songs, told stories and jokes, and shared their "talents," such as they are, to an amazingly appreciative audience.

I decided to do a skit about "laughter yoga." I told Friends about this practice and led them in a laughter yoga exercise. They laughed so loud and long it was hard to get them to stop so I could finish my act. When they finally settled down, I introduced my laughter yoga guru, "Sri Elmonanda" (aka "Tickle Me Elmo"). When Elmo started laughing, so did the audience. Elmo laughed so loud that he fell off the table. Everyone laughed even more. Finally, Elmo righted himself and stood up and said, "More, more!" By now the room was rocking with laughter. When it subsided, I said, "Elmonanda never ceases to amaze me."

The same could be said about Friends.

This laughter yoga skit was another testimony to my dear Kathleen, who had a gift for laughter. (Her loud, irresistible laugh was one of the reasons I was drawn to her). She and I both went to a laughter yoga session when we were exploring various spiritual healing modalities. Afterwards, we recorded an "Encounter with the Laughter Yoga Guru" for you tube, which I have included in this post.

Laughter is good for all that ails you, whether it's cancer, or a week of long and sometimes painful meetings. S whenever you're feeling blue, try this mantra (recommended by Sri Elmonanda): "Ho ho ho, hee hee hee, and couple of fa la las....That's how we laugh the day away in the merry old land of Oz..."

A Report from Brigadoon....

At Walker Creek Ranch, a 1700-acre educational/retreat center near Petaluma in Marin County, around 330 Quakers have gathered this week for worship and business. Our mornings are spent in Bible study, worship, and worship sharing. "Meetings for worship on the occasion of business” were held in the afternoon. In the evenings there were discussion groups as well as opportunities for sing-a-longs, dancing, and other fun activities.

This is the first YM I’ve attended since my wife passed away. Last year I had to miss PYM for the first time in twenty years because of our cancer diagnosis. On Monday when I showed up at Walker Creek Ranch, I was warmly welcomed by Friends, many of whom knew my story and were surprised/pleased to see me. Throughout the week I have felt an outpouring of love and support from many Friends and am grateful to have PYM as my spiritual family.

I became a magnet for Friends who have had close encounters with mortality. I feel as if I have entered a new community, the society of “those who grieve” and are seeking to be blessed and comforted.

One Friend who is a Lesbian tearfully told me how her baby died several hours after birth, and what a devastating experience this had been for her spiritually and emotionally. A woman shared how her husband died of cancer six months after their wedding, and how painful it was to lose someone during the honeymoon period of their relationship. Another woman told of how agonizing it was to lose her husband after 30 years of marriage and how it utterly transformed her life. A gay man told me of the pain he felt when his lover died in 1985—a time when the AIDs epidemic in San Francisco killed thousands of people—including nearly 300 friends of his friends who died within a couple of years during this time of plague. A mother wept fresh tears recalling the death of her seven-year daughter four years ago due to leukemia. A woman in her fifties confessed that her boyfriend died in a boating accident thirty years ago when she was a college student and she suspected he may have committed suicide. She not only grieves his loss, but also feels responsible because that weekend she refused to go out with him because she needed some space in which to do her school work. As people shared their sorrows, and I listened as compassionately as I could, I realized how much grief people carry and how much they yearn for a blessing. Led to do what I could to help, I organized a “bereavement group” which met last night. Four people showed up and shared their experiences.

We ended our precious time of sharing with a time of prayer and a song (“Thank you for this healing day”). I also led them in a quick laughter yoga exercise. We parted feeling relieved and light-hearted.

After this encounter, I thought of the phrase that Handel’s Messiah uses to describe Jesus: “A man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.” I like the phrase “acquainted with grief.” It implies that somehow we can befriend our grief and become intimate with these painful feelings. By doing so, we can experience a deeper communion and friendship with others.

The main issue addressed during this YM session was whether to hire a full-time youth coordinator. The young people of this YM feel it is important to have such a person to provide a high quality youth program. They worked hard to prepare a 120-page report addressing the concerns of adults regarding cost, safety, program content, goals, etc. Friends listened to a summary of the report, asked questions, made observations, and nearly came to unity in approving this proposal. One Friend strongly objected, however, and the final decision is being held over until Friday.

We also heard about the financial crisis that the American Friends Service Committee is undergoing. Like many nonprofits, the AFSC has suffered a great deal due to the meltdown of our economy. Because 30% of its income comes from bequests, and because donors have drastically cut back on their giving, AFSC is reducing its program budget by 50%. Shan Cretin and Laura Magnani, directors of the AFSC regional offices in the West, talked about how this cutback will affect their programs and movingly pleaded for the support of Friends.

Shan is shown here with a guitar she just made, and is very pleased with.

We heard a fascinating report from Rolene Walker, who has been walking from Tijuana to Santiago, Chile, sharing a message of environmentalism with Latin Americans. She found that many Latin Americans are more ecologically conscious than North Americans. Joe Morris (with whom I stayed in Morro Bay) gave a thoughtful report about the state of environmental concerns among Friends and urged us to follow the example of Elijah and listen to the "still, small voice" of God amidst the earthquakers, droughts, and storms of our current ecological crisis.

The Peace and Social Action Committee, of which I am a member, presented minutes on Afghanistan and health care. Friends quickly approved the minute opposing expansion of the war in Afghanistan (how could we not do so?), but we could not come to unity about the wording of the health care minute. This minute was held over until a later meeting. Last night we had a lively discussion of health care reform in which twenty friends took part, and a newly worded minute emerged.

I have had many meaningful discussions with Friends over the past few days, and I feel I am connecting with them in a new and deeper way in part because of the cancer journey I have undergone. I feel as I am entering a new phase in my spiritual life: I am finally becoming an elder.

During our plenary session, I shared with Friends an intimate “secret” about my spiritual life. I explained that just as I used to tell my wife how much I loved her, and how much I loved hearing the words “I love you” from her, I also tell God “I love you” many times a day. As Mother Teresa once observed, we were created to love and be loved. By expressing this love openly and often, we strengthen our connection with the One who created and sustains us.

Another insight I shared: Trained to think scientifically, we may imagine that the best way to know something or someone is to be objective and detached. But it is difficult truly to “know” a person if we are indifferent to him or her. To “know” a person, we must be able to feel love and empathy—to be in relationship. True love—the kind of love that sees both the weakness and the gifts inherent in the other—is also a way of knowing the other. God, the ultimate knower/lover, both loves and knows us, warts and all.

Here at our Quaker gathering, we provide each other with many opportunities to deepen our knowledge and love for one another. Especially helpful are our worship sharing sessions, in which Friends reflect on open-ended questions about their spiritual life. We listen to each other’s reflections without commenting or arguing; we give each other the precious gift of listening from their heart to whatever is shared with us. This can be a powerful and liberating spiritual practice.

Over thirty Friends attend Steve Matchett’s 6:30 AM Bible study, which is conducted in worship sharing fashion. Steve (shown here with Kathy Hyzy, editor of "The Western Friend") is clerk of the Friends Bulletin board.

Equally well attended has been a series of early morning lectures by Brian Vura-Weis on important figures of Quakerism, such as William Penn, Rufus Jones, Joel and Hannah Bean (the founders of unprogrammed Western Quakerism) and Ken and Elise Boulding, 20th century Quaker peace activists.

I have thoroughly enjoyed this YM, in spite of the damp, foggy weather. When we arrived, Joe Franko, our clerk, compared Yearly Meeting to “Brigadoon” in part because it magically appears each year, and in part because of a bag piper who played in the background. Even more Scottish were the fogs that rolled over the hills and into our valley, bringing a chill to the bones and the need to huddle together for warmth, preferably over a cup of hot tea or coffee. I am glad that I brought my Northern Californian accoutrements—a thermal t-shirt, sweat shirt, clunky shoes, and an extra “blankie.”

Thank you, loving and gracious God, for giving me everything I need for my comfort and peace among these dearly beloved Friends.

The God who appears when God disappears...

Yesterday I went to Palo Alto Meeting where I heard an interesting talk about "trans-theism"--the latest hot topic among Friends. This particular word was coined by Paul Tillich, a theologian who had a big influence on me in grad school. I found esp. memorable the last line of his book "Courage to Be": "The courage is be is the courage to believe in the God who appears when God disappears in the anxiety of doubt."


The question raised by the British Quaker David Bolton (and other non-theist Friends) is: do you have to believe in God to be a Quaker? Why can't you be an atheist or non-theist or trans-theist as long as you ascribe to Quaker values, such as peace, simplicity, equality, community, etc.? Why don't we become the Ethical Society of Friends rather than the Religious Society of Friends?


The latest issue issue of "The Western Friend" contains articles by two Friends who see themselves as "non-theists." One regards himself as an existentialist/rationalist and believes that the Religious Society of Friends has no need of the mystical or transcendent; we simply need to be "good" Friends and live ethical lives. Another writer explains that he no longer believes in a personal God who created and sustains the universe. He feels that we can live the Quaker testimonies without believing that we are inspired or guided by a higher or transforming power.


For me, such an approach would dilute our religion and weaken its power. When Quakers come together in silent worship, we come together for a reason. We come together to experience the presence of the Divine--something greater than our individual egos. If we deny the reality of this experience, then the only source of authority becomes the ego.


(If we say that "Reason" or some other abstraction is our guide, then we are turning this into a transcendent value and that becomes our God, or "Ultimate Concern," as Tillich would say.)


One of the major problemes of modern life is that we make a god out of our own egos. This tendency is sometimes called "individualism"--the belief that the individual is the supreme authority.


Many Quakers (like many members of society as a whole) already suffer from individualism/ego-centrism. I consider myself a recovering ego-holic. Ego-holics feel that Quakerism means "doing and believing whatever we feel like doing and believing." This is not what I understand to be our Quaker faith and practice. What drew me to Quakerism was the recognition that I could not trust my ego to make wise decision. I had to go deeper and connect with my Inner Light--the Christ Spirit--in order to make wise choices and to live a life based on love and truth--a life that leads to fulfillment and true happiness. In the silence, I can look at my fears and desires and let go of their hold upon me. I can sense the presence of an inner wisdom that is greater than my conscious mind. The more I practice our Quaker form of worship, the easier it is for me to discern that deep wisdom in others as well as myself.


This is the basis for Quaker theology, not a creed or a set of traditional beliefs.


I believe that all of us have transcendent experiences, glimpses of the Divine, at some point in our lives. It may occur when contemplating the mystery and awesomeness of nature. It may happen when experiencing a liminal life experience--like witnessing or experiening the birth of a child, or caring for a loved one who is dying, or facing a life-threatening illness. At these moments, we realize that our limited egos are not enough. We feel ourselves reaching out to something vast and mysterious that is both within and beyond us.


We can dismiss such moments as subjective, or we can recognize them as glimpses of a reality that is greater than our conventional way of experiencing the world. Otto Rank calls this an experience of the "numinous."


I think children sense the numinous more readily than adults. That's why I enjoy the company of children like my nephew. He is very bright and rational, and at the same time open to the wonder and mystery of life.


Yesterday afternoon I had the delightful experience of taking Edward to the Rosicrucian museum, where there is an excellent collection of Egyptian artifacts. You can even go down into a reconstruction of an Egyptian tomb. This was one of Kathleen's favorite places, and I am glad I had a chance to share it with my nephew.


I spent last night at the home of Stephen Matchett, who is very active in AVP and clerks the board of "The Western Friend." It was good to catch up on his life and find out all the good things he is doing. We also had some time for an "opportunity"--which is what Quakers used to call a meeting for worship in a home or other setting apart from the Meetinghouse. It was very precious to spend time in prayer with Stephen and to connect with him at a deep spiritual level.


He has headed off to Yearly Meeting by bus and bike (he eschews the automobile since he feels it is not part of the Peaceable Kingdom). I plan to drive to Walker Creek by noon so that I can help with registration.


Thank you, God, for the wonder and joy of being alive!

A Playdate with my Nephew

I spent this weekend on a "play date" with my seven-year-old nephew Edward. He was so excited about my coming to visit that he was talking about it for days. When I arrived, he was beside himself with excitement. Edward has such enthusiasm for everything he does and learns he doesn't know the meaning of the word "boredom."

My first job as uncle was to help Edward to put up a tent in his backyard. It was his first real tent and he loved every thing about it. He had a concern about rats and other critters (something he picked up from his mother), so I reassured him that he need not worry. Even bears won't bother you if you don't bother them. This is what uncles have been telling their nephews since Cro-Magnon times.

Once the tent was put up, I unpacked my camping equipment and we boiled water on my primus stove and made some mint tea and pretended we were camping out in the wilderness.

In the evening I sat around with Edward and his mom in the tent and told the funny scary campfire stories that are old, yet eternally new. We also ate some-mores, a childhood favorite with a modern twist. Being certifiably liberal, we used free traded, organic chocolate and gluten-free rice imitation graham crackers. But the marshmellows were the traditional kind.... how can you improve upon this perfect junkfood?

We also went to a birthday party for Edward's friend Rustam. The party took place in a park and had Indian food (samosas) along with pizza, chicken wings, and cake. Rustam's family is Zoroastrian, from India. They were rather impressed that I know a lot about Persian culture and Zoroaster. There are only a few thousand Zoroastrians in Northern California and they have a temple near Palo Alto. I had an interesting conversation with a Zoroastrian engineer and learned how this ancient religion is practiced today. Few people realize how much Christianity and Judaism was influenced by Zoroastrianism.

I also learned that the mother of the boy who is having a birthday has breast cancer and is undergoing chemo. She is a young woman in her thirties and seems to be doing amazingly well.

Cancer has become epidemic. Marianne Sabelman, the wife of the Friend I am staying with, also had cancer. Hers was ovarian and she underwent treatment last year at about the same time as Kathleen. Thanks be to God, Marianne is doing fine and seems very healthy and upbeat.

I have thoroughly enjoyed having conversations with Marianne and Eric, who are delightful and thoughtful people as well as gracious hosts. Eric is a biomedical engineer who designs and fixes the complex machinery used for high tech operations. Marianne is an active Episcopalian with a zest for life. (She grew up on a farm in Denmark.)

I plan to go to Quaker meeting this morning and look forward to seeing old (and not-so-old) Friends. I am also looking forward to spending one more afternoon with Edward before heading up to San Francisco to visit with Stephen Matchett, the clerk of the Western Friend board, and then on to Pacific Yearly Meeting's annual session.

Thank you, God, for the gift of family and friends! What a blessing!