Calling in vs. calling out: truth and reconciliation approach

 

Recently someone who was offended by something I said threatened to "call me out" and publicly blame and shame me. This is a very tempting approach when we have been offended but there is a better way. It's called "calling someone in."

I learned this from a Black activist who used this term to describe how to respond to people who make racist or otherwise hurtful remarks. I looked up the definition of "calling in":

"Calling in is an invitation to a one-on-one or small group. conversation to bring attention to an individual or group's. harmful words or behavior, including bias, prejudice, microaggressions, and discrimination."

This is, or should be, our Quaker approach. "Calling someone out" for public shame assumes that we are morally superior, and we want to separate ourselves from that person. The Quaker approach is different. If someone has hurt or offended us, we don't "call them out," we "call them in" and invite them to meet one-on-one or in a clearness committee. 

I have experienced and written elsewhere about our Quaker clearness committees. They really work! See https://laquaker.blogspot.com/2019/01/resolving-conflict-quaker-way-actually.html 

Connie Green and Marty Grundy have written a deeply spiritual and practical Pendle Hill pamphlet on forgiveness called "Matthew 18: Wisdom for Living in Community," They recognize that when two people have an unresolved conflict, and aren't willing to resolve it, it can hurt the whole community. That's why we need to practice forgiveness in and with our spiritual community. (I should add that Connie Green led a clearness committee that helped me deal with some trauma I experienced with my Quaker community, and it was a very helpful and healing process.)

My Methodist study group is about to read "Forgive Everybody Everything," a lovely picture book of stories about forgiveness by Father Greg Boyle. As Father Greg's powerful stories make clear, forgiveness is at the core of Jesus' teaching, but it can also be the hardest to practice. 

When we have been hurt or traumatized, it is often extremely hard to forgive, but we can will ourselves to forgive through prayer. We can say, "God of love and grace, please help me to forgive so-and-so. Help me to reconcile with this person who has hurt me deeply."

Even when we pray for the strength to forgive, the pain of the offense may not go away completely for a long time. But we can become free from the desire to "call someone out" or to hurt the one who hurt use. That's a step towards healing and reconciliation.

The next step is to request a one-on-one or a clearness committee with the one who has hurt us, or whom we have offended. (Often the person who has hurt us feels that they are the ones who have been hurt by us. We need speak our truth and listen compassionately to the other person's truth.)

If the person who has hurt us doesn't want to be "called in," we can then feel free. We've done what we can. We can begin to let go of the pain and move on, with God's help and grace. Depending on the depth of the hurt, that may take time, but if we are patient, healing will come. That's God's promise and I put my faith in God's promises. So I will end with this prayer:

"God of love and grace, please help us to forgive those who have hurt us even as You have forgiven us for the pain we have caused You and others. Teach us the way of forgiveness and reconciliation so we can be instruments of your grace and love."

Praise God! George Lakey is coming to Santa Monica to speak about his memoir this Sunday at noon!

 I received some wonderful news from my friend Joe Morris. George Lakey is coming to Santa Monica Meeting at noon this Sunday, Feb 19. Joe wrote these powerful words about George, one of the most joyful and committed Quaker peace activist of our time:

Please do not miss the unique opportunity of hearing George Lakey speak to us this Sunday noon at Santa Monica meetinghouse (1440 Harvard St, Santa Monica, CA ) as part of his nationwide book tour of his autobiography, Dancing with History.  Simply put---George is quite probably the most remarkable Quaker activist any of us are likely to meet!  And, at the age of 85, he is unlikely ever to travel from Pennsylvania to meet with us again.

 

George is best known for developing and putting into practice the concept of "nonviolent revolution," training thousands of people to take direct action to peaceably resist organizations that have hindered our being a just and humane society.  Back in the sixties, it was he who helped organize a successful Friends mission on a ship filled with medical supplies to N. Vietnam during the Vietnam War.  (The Seventh Fleet let them pass.)  In the nineties, he founded the Earth Quaker Action Team.  They were engaged in such efforts as a sit-in at a Pennsylvania bank to protest their investment in a mountain-removal project in the Appalachians.  They prevailed.  George is a savvy activist, a sociologist by training, was a longtime professor at Swarthmore.

It seems fitting that George will be speaking on Transfiguration Sunday, a time when Jesus took some of his students to a mountain top and revealed himself transformed by the Light of God.  In addition to being a brilliant peace and justice activist, George exudes light and joy, as you can see from this picture of him being arrested. I am looking forward to having my faith in Quakers and in God renewed and restored by this amazing man of peace, joy and love.

Interfaith Communities United for Justice and Peace Please join us online ICUJP Friday Forum February 17th, 7:30-9:30 am Pacific Friday Forum - Carrying on the NAACP's legacy and mission

 

Please join us online ICUJP Friday Forum February 17th, 7:30-9:30 am Pacific Friday Forum - Carrying on the NAACP's legacy and mission Join video conference here: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/85995439150 Call in by phone: +1 669 900 6833*  Meeting ID: 859 9543 9150 PASSCODE: 405180 *Meeting controls for call-in attendees: To mute/unmute yourself: *6 To raise hand: *9 Event Description: The NAACP seeks to ensure a society in which all individuals have equal rights without discrimination based on race. The Pomona Valley Branch serves five cities in San Bernardino County and five cities in Los Angeles County., and we will hear about the priorities and initiatives of the Pomona Valley office and the NAACP overall. Join the conversation with our speaker: Jeanette Ellis Royston serves as the President of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP), Pomona Valley Branch. The NAACP Pomona Valley motto: “Together We Are Stronger.” Learn More/Here's how YOU can help: Website: NAACP of Pomona Valley 7:30 - 7:35  Log in and socialize 7:35 - 7:45  Welcome and introductions  7:45 - 7:50  Reflection (5 min. maximum) 7:50 - 9:15  Program and Q&A 9:15 - 9:20  Announcements 9:20 - 9:30  Closing circle and prayer Start your morning with us! Facilitator: Anthony Manousos Reflector: Jasmine Hailey ** Meetings begin promptly at 7:30 am Pacific. **

Being joyful as a Methodist Quaker

First, I am still super happy to be part of Pasadena's First United Methodist Church. I love the kindness and friendliness of this church--which is a reflection of their deep love for Christ. Jill and I feel totally respected and loved by the Methodists. Jill has spoken about her work several times, we had our annual MHCH celebration at this church, and I just gave a talk at their adult study regarding "Christian Nationalism," which was well received. We have weekly potlucks at our home for which a delightful little band of Methodists show up and watch the series "The Chosen" about Jesus and his disciples. This loving gathering become a highpoint of our week. 

I am glad to be part of the Quaker community because this is where I can practice my calling as a peacemaker. What makes Quakers special to me is that we have a tool called "clearness committees" for resolving conflict and reconciling. We meet with the person we're having conflicts with along with other Friends, have a time of worship, and then listen deeply and compassionately to each other. Every time I've had a clearness committee, it has brought healing and reconciliation. But both parties need to choose to use this tool. If we don't, things don't usually end well, in my experience. So I pray for clearness and reconciliation almost every day.

What brings me joy is that (in the words of Simeon) I have "seen the Savior that God prepared for all the world to see, a light to enlighten the nations, and God's people, Israel." 

Once you've seen Christ's face, and experience the peace of Christ, you can be joyful even when under attack. You see the Light in those who attack you, and pray for them and for reconciliation. That's the way of Christ and of true Quakers. 

During my daily devotions I ran across this passage from Carlo Carretto's The God Who Comes that spoke to my condition. 

"How baffling you are, oh Church, and yet how I love you!

How you have made me suffer, and yet how much I owe you!

I should like to see you destroyed, and yet I need your presence.

You have given me so much scandal and yet you have made me understand sanctity.

I have seen nothing in the world more devoted to obscurity, more compromised, more false, and I have touched nothing more pure, more generous, more beautiful. How often I have wanted to shut the doors of my soul in your face, and how often I have prayed to die in the safety of your arms

No, I cannot free myself from you, because I am you, though not completely.

And where should I go?"

I go to my Quaker meeting because most Quakers are kind and loving people and the few who aren't need prayer, just as I do. This Sunday my dear friend Michelle and I are leading an adult study on our meeting's racial justice minute and the Black History Parade. Michelle has been a champion of racial justice for most of her life (she's African American) and I've known her for over twenty years. I really love her prophetic spirit, his brilliant legal mind, and her mac and cheese (our favorite comfort food). 

I also plan to go to my Methodist church because I feel called to worship and honor the living Christ who enables me to be joyful in the midst of trials and tribulations. The Methodists give me the spiritual and emotional support I need to be a good Quaker and do my work as an advocate for justice and peace.....truly I'm blessed to be a Methodist Quaker!

Our Christmas Letter 2022

Christmas Letter 2022

 

My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord,
my spirit rejoices in God my Savior…

He has scattered the proud in their conceit.
He has cast down the mighty from their thrones,
and has lifted up the lowly.
He has filled the hungry with good things,
and the rich he has sent away empty….

~Luke 1:46-56

We send you best wishes for a blessed Christmas and New Year. This Advent we’ve been inspired anew by the drama of God coming to earth as a baby, with a young visionary mother who proclaimed the kind of mercy and justice we long for…radical words that centuries later were barred from public readings in India, Guatemala, and Argentina, as our pastor pointed out last week.

We have much to celebrate in 2022:

• our successful efforts to rezone religious land for affordable housing in Pasadena and Sierra Madre, and Lord willing in 2023 statewide with SB 4—we have been working with Senator Scott Weiner on this for the past two years
• the decisive victory of the local rent control campaign
• our joyful annual MHCH (Making Housing and Community Happen) celebration that attracted over 130 people and two dozen local affordable housing and homeless service organizations as together we “united for housing justice” –this year’s theme.

Some highlights of our year:

1.       Our “great pumpkin patch” was a delightful surprise. We threw some “knucklehead” pumpkin seeds from last year’s pumpkin into our compost heap, and they went wild, producing vines 30 feet long and over a dozen huge pumpkins, some of which lodged on branches in our fig tree. We made over a dozen pies and gave them and pumpkins to friends and family members (with their names etched in them scabbed over). In between zoom meetings Jill would run out to watch them grow!

2.       We continue to thank God for our garden and prolific “orchard”—avocadoes, oranges, grapefruit, peaches, plums, pluots, tangerines, loquats, kumquats, persimmon, sapote, pomegranate, passion fruit, Peruvian gooseberries, and grapes. Plus, tomatoes, lettuce, sugar snap peas, & more! God’s creation is so bountiful!

3.       We went on a road trip to the Northwest where we visited friends, attended the celebration of life for Jill’s mentor Dr. Ray Bakke, visited Jill’s sister Jana and her husband Dwight and some of their eight children (including Peter and Kendra’s adorable baby Raffaella) and enjoyed the splendors of nature—the Sequoias and the Olympic rainforest.

4.       Jill traveled to San Antonio, TX, for a symposium about “Gone for Good” a book for which our Congregational Land Committee contributed a chapter along with authors across the US. With 4,000 US congregations closing their doors each year—will churches be gone forever? Or gone for something good? We are amazed that over 70 congregations in So CA have approached us for technical support on how to have affordable housing on their campus. Our nonprofit, MHCH, also has three other teams: Safe Parking for people living in their vehicles, N. Fair Oaks Empowerment- seeking to revitalize an historically Black disenfranchised corner of Pasadena, and ASHA—Affordable Supportive Housing Advocates.

5.       Jill also gave a workshop with Andre White at the Christian Community Development Association in Charlotte, North Carolina and she also spent some time on Hilton Head Island with Andre’s family learning about the Gullah people by going on Gullah tours, visiting story tellers and more. The land injustices against these native islanders broke Jill’s heart.

6.       Anthony traveled to DC for the FCNL, a Quaker lobby conference and advocated for the Environmental Justice Act. He also stopped by Philadelphia and Princeton, NJ, to visit his sister and his niece and nephew. They went to the Philadelphia Art Museum and ate Conte’s pizza—the best pizza on the planet!

7.       We’ve have enjoyed being part of the First United Methodist Church, which Anthony joined in June. Anthony continues to be part of the Quaker community as well as being a Methodist. God is bigger than any denomination and we feel blessed to be part of both communities.

8.       Anthony had an article and poem published in Friends Journal, a national Quaker publication. He wrote about racial justice and Anthony McClain, the young black man shot and killed by Pasadena police.

9.       Two of our favorite films this year: “Kiss the Ground” (an inspiring documentary about regenerative farming) and “The Chosen” (a fascinating series about Jesus and his disciples—which we are watching in our home with a delightful group of Methodists and others).

10.    We continue to visit Jill’s mom Donna Shook every week, at a lovely board and care that has an abundance of flowers, paintings, and love. Donna is bed-ridden, in hospice, with late stage Alzheimer’s and has lost much of her cognitive abilities but is still fun to be with. She loves to flirt, laugh and listen to old familiar jazz and bossa nova. We also look forward to our weekly Bible study and check-in with Mark who lives with us.

Please pray for Jill and her heath. Her doctor is concerned about her blood work, a growing cyst, and diverticulitis. She sees her oncologist on Dec. 30^th.  

Our concerns and prayers are also with the people of Ukraine and Yemen who are suffering from the horrors war. We are asking for a ceasefire and for a negotiated settlement to these senseless and bloody conflicts.  Even though we feel so grateful that we have had the joy of helping to approve 135 housing units for our unhoused neighbors that will become available in Pasadena in 2023, we have heavy hearts that about the 300+ unhoused neighbors are currently living on the street with few if any shelter options. The goal of MHCH is to end chronic homelessness and housing insecurity in our city (and beyond)!

We are so grateful to you, our friends and family!  

 

Love, Anthony and Jill

ICUJP Friday Forum: Latino poet/activist Luis J. Rodriguez: "In A Time of Crisis, Time for Rebirth"

 

Please join us online ICUJP Friday Forum October 21st, 7:30-9:30 am Pacific Luis J. Rodriguez: In A Time of Crisis, Time for Rebirth Join video conference here Call in by phone: +1 669 900 6833*  Meeting ID: 873 9685 9483 PASSCODE: 635661 *Meeting controls for call-in attendees: To mute/unmute yourself: *6 To raise hand: *9 Presently Los Angeles City is reeling with four Latino leaders speaking against Blacks, Indigenous, LGBTQ people, Jews, and Armenians. We must reset and regenerate a new vision, with inclusivity and embracement, for all Angelenos. And set the foundation of a new type of governance in the city. Join the conversation with our speaker: For 50 years, Luis J. Rodriguez has been working with gang youth, the homeless, prisoners, labor, the undocumented, Indigenous people, poets, and artists. He's co-founder of Tia Chucha's Centro Cultural & Bookstore and founding editor of Tia Chucha Press. He has 16 multi-genre books including the memoirs "Always Running, La Vida Loca, Gang Days in L.A." and "It Calls You Back: An Odyssey Through Love, Addiction, Revolutions & Healing." From 2014-2016, Luis served as Los Angeles' official Poet Laureate. Learn More/Here's how YOU can help: Website:  Tia Chucha's Centro Cultural Schedule: 7:30 - 7:35  Log in and socialize 7:35 - 7:45  Welcome and introductions  7:45 - 7:50  Reflection (5 min. maximum) 7:50 - 9:15  Program and Q&A 9:15 - 9:20  Announcements 9:20 - 9:30  Closing circle and prayer Start your morning with us! Reflection: Rubi Omar Facilitator: David Clennon Zoom host: Rick Banales ** Meetings begin promptly at 7:30 am Pacific. ** ----- Here's how to join the online meeting: To join by video conference, you'll need to download the Zoom app on your computer or mobile device. Click on the link to join the meeting and then enter the Meeting ID number and passcode. You'll be able to see slides and video, as well as speakers and other attendees. If you prefer to join by phone, you'll be prompted to enter the Meeting ID number and passcode. You won't be able to see the visuals or attendees, but you can view them on the meeting video recording afterward.  If you're new to Zoom and would like to use the video option, we recommend you download the app well ahead of time.   ICUJP Friday Forum 10/21/22 Time: 07:30 AM Pacific Time (US and Canada) Option 1: Join video conference here Meeting ID: 873 9685 9483 PASSCODE: 635661 Option 2: Dial in by phone only: +1 669 900 6833 US (California) Meeting ID: 873 9685 9483 PASSCODE: 635661 (To find a dial-in number closer to you, go here.)

The Quaker Peace Testimony and Alternatives to War: A presentation by Anthony Manousos for ICUJP

Please join us online

ICUJP Friday Forum
October 14th, 7:30-9:30 am Pacific

Anthony Manousos: The Quaker Peace Testimony

Join video conference here
Call in by phone: +1 669 900 6833* 
Meeting ID: 828 1545 7116
PASSCODE: 793697
*Meeting controls for call-in attendees:
To mute/unmute yourself: *6
To raise hand: *9

Description: Anthony Manousos will discuss the history of the Quaker Peace Testimony and how Quakers have provides alternatives to war during the past 350 years.

Join the conversation with our speaker:

Dr. Anthony Manousos is a Quaker peace activist, retired college professor, and author who co-founded a housing justice nonprofit called Making Housing and Community Happen(MHCH) and serves on the board of directors for several organizations, including the Friends Committee for National Legislation and Interfaith Communities United for Justice and Peace. He has edited or written seven books, the most recent being "Transformative Quakers" and "Howard and Anna Brinton: Reinventors of Quakerism in the 20th century." He earned a Ph.D, in English literature from Rutgers University, a B.A. from Boston University (where he studied poetry with Anne Sexton) and taught at numerous colleges and universities, including Carleton College, Rutgers, Pepperdine, UC San Bernardino, San Bernardino Valley College, etc.

Learn More/Here's how YOU can help: Making Housing & Community Happen equips congregations, community leaders, and neighbors with practical tools needed to transform their communities to end homelessness, and to stabilize the cost of housing through education, advocacy, organizing, and advisement. Please go to the MHCH website to find out how you can help support their work. Website: Making Housing & Community Happen

Schedule:

7:30 - 7:35  Log in and socialize
7:35 - 7:45  Welcome and introductions 
7:45 - 7:50  Reflection (5 min. maximum)
7:50 - 9:15  Program and Q&A
9:15 - 9:20  Announcements
9:20 - 9:30  Closing circle and prayer

Start your morning with us!

Reflection: Steve Rohde
Facilitator: Carolfrances Likins
Zoom host: Rick Banales

** Meetings begin promptly at 7:30 am Pacific. **

-----

Here's how to join the online meeting:

To join by video conference, you'll need to download the Zoom app on your computer or mobile device. Click on the link to join the meeting and then enter the Meeting ID number and passcode. You'll be able to see slides and video, as well as speakers and other attendees.

If you prefer to join by phone, you'll be prompted to enter the Meeting ID number and passcode. You won't be able to see the visuals or attendees, but you can view them on the meeting video recording afterward. 

If you're new to Zoom and would like to use the video option, we recommend you download the app well ahead of time.

Join video conference here
Call in by phone: +1 669 900 6833* 
Meeting ID: 828 1545 7116
PASSCODE: 793697
*Meeting controls for call-in attendees:
To mute/unmute yourself: *6
To raise hand: *9
-----

Please note: Our Friday Forums and other events are open to the public. By attending, you consent to having your voice and likeness recorded, photographed, posted on ICUJP's website and social media, and included in ICUJP materials and publications for noncommercial purposes. If you don't want to be photographed or recorded, please let the facilitator know.