Homelessness in America has become so pervasive and chronic it
is tempting
to ignore homeless people as we pass them by on the street. We may
even come to see them as a permanent and disturbing fixtures in the cityscape,
like litter and graffiti. We are told by
city officials not to give them money, and we may be too busy or too anxious to
give them our attention. It is easy to forget that those living on the street are
people like us. Instead, they are seen as a social problem or as a statistic.
We are told there has been a 16% increase in homelessness in LA in the past two
years, 44,359 people sleep
on the streets and in shelters every night, and chronic homelessness has risen
54% since 2013. These statistics are alarming, but they can also be numbing and can make us forget that each homeless person is unique, made in
God’s image, with a name and a story. That’s why advocates for homeless people
often bristle at the collective term “the homeless.”
One book that gives a vivid sense of what it’s like to be a homeless
person is Out There, The Homeless Years
(2009) by Denise Blue, the pseudonym of Denise Williams, a college professor
who currently lives in South Pasadena. Her website provides a synopsis of this courageously
honest book: “Based on a true story, Out
There is a work of documentary fiction that begins by tracing Dr. Dee’s
descent into homelessness. We are with her as she discovers the Rules of the
Street: how to panhandle, how to feed herself from dumpsters, how to run from
fights, how to find places to sleep. We meet her cohorts and come to understand
the world as viewed by street people. After chronicling her various adventures,
the book shows her miraculous re-emergence as a professional woman who is able
to reunite with family and friends and to cope with mental illness and
alcoholism.”
What makes this book so powerful is Dr. Dee’s ability to
convey what it feels like to go from being a professional woman—a writer,
editor, and college professor—to a street person. Because she is a white middle
class professional, it is easy for us to identify with her thought processes
and feelings. Her story begins in 1979 when she was living in Sausalito and
enjoying the good life there, teaching part-time and editing books. She became
so addicted to alcohol and casual sex that she began missing her rent payments
and is evicted. In shock, she realized that she had sought help from family and
friends for so long that she has no longer has anyone to turn to. At the
suggestion of a friend, she moved into a van near the waterfront. At first, she
treated this move as an adventure. “This was a good life, I’d tell myself. Who
needed to scramble for rent, the need to impress others? I was free of my
burdens, with no responsibilities. This was real living” (p. 15).
Thus begins a pattern of denial and rationalization as Dee
becomes more and more enmeshed in the homeless life, and in her alcoholism. Through
realistic dialogue, Dee vividly portrays the people she encounters in her new
life, people who teach her how to survive as a homeless person.
Dee quickly learns it is no picnic being homeless. To survive
on the street, people lie and steal from each other, especially when they have
drug and alcohol issues; and Dee learns to be constantly on guard. On the other
hand, homeless people form friendships and communities to help each other. At
the end of the book she writes: “I miss the people. They were wild, often destructive,
rude and crude. Yet, I loved them. Despite the rough and tumble, they were
capable of much kindness to me and to one another—small things like making sure
there was water in the camp, like sharing food….” (p. 337).
We learn a lot in this book about the complex social networks
that homeless people create. We also see how Dee’s alcoholism leads her into
denial about the realities of her life, and how resistant she is to real
change. We see how well-intentioned efforts to help this segment of the
homeless population often fail. We come to appreciate how important it is for those
with addiction issues to find a safe place, a home, where they can begin the
recovery process.
This fictionalized autobiography explores the spiritual as
well as social life of those living on the street. Interspersed throughout the
book are biblical quotes and moments in which Dee reveals her spiritual
condition, her yearning for Christ and God. These little epiphanies are sometimes
funny. At a Christian recovery center, she reads a comic book about Jesus and
has a fantasy about dancing with him that upset those in charge. On a more
serious note, we see how some of the religious people she encounters are unable
to understand or relate to her because of their preconceived ideas and agendas.
Some are exasperatingly insensitive. They are unable to see how many homeless
people already has a relationship with God and Christ by virtue of being homeless.
While living in a recovery center with strict rules, Dee writes:
“Funny. Jesus had chosen the same way of life that I had.
Street person. Both of us would walk miles in a day—would hunt for a place to
sleep each night. Well, such a life has its advantages, I agreed. No rent, no
house rules, no job pressures. Out of doors and always on the move. A certain
freedom. It pleased me that we were alike in this way. We could even maybe be
friends?” (p. 175).
Unfortunately, these momentary glimpses into God’s grace do
not prevent Dee from continuing to make bad decisions. As her alcoholism worsens,
she finds herself drawn to a group of homeless people who pride themselves on
being rowdy and reckless and call themselves the “Dalton gang.” She becomes
entangled in a relationship so abusive she is beaten on an almost daily basis.
Bruised and broken, hopelessly addicted to alcohol, she ceases to speak and is
referred to as a “zombie” by her boyfriend and his cohorts. When a woman sees
her bruises and tells her about a home for battered women, Dee goes to this
shelter and finally realizes how desperately she needs help. Yet she is once
again drawn back to her abusive boyfriend and the Dalton Gang, but on the way she
encounters a black woman silently praying for her in the park. Moved by this
woman’s concern, Dee prays for God’s help, and realizes she doesn’t have to
stay in this destructive life. Like the prodigal son, she can go home.
Fortunately, unlike many homeless people, Dee had a loving family who welcomed her back and gave her the space she needed to heal. Her step father gently encouraged her to join AA, which became a crucial part of her recovery. She found a church and a volunteer program that helped her to find meaningful work and gain self-confidence. A college hired her in spite of being homeless for ten years. During her period of sobriety she realized that she suffered from mental
illness (like many people on the street) and found helpful treatment. Through recovery, therapy, meds and a
loving family, Dee was able to heal and find a new and fulfilling life. Writing
this book was part of her recovery process—a testimony to her commitment to share
the good news that there is hope. At the end of the book, she recalls the line
of a song: “As low as you go, that’s how high you can fly.” She writes: “I
think that’s true. I went about a slow as you can get. Now it’s time for
flying. Flying for me is experiencing the flood of joy that sometimes overcomes
me in worship. Flying to me is having my normal state be a calm, content and
peaceful life” (p. 337).
This book is a testimony to God’s amazing grace and to the resilience
of the human spirit. Step by step, Dee shows us what draws people into the homeless
life, what keeps them there, and what helps them find the road to recovery. Her
book is a “must read” for anyone who wants to understand what it’s like to live
on the street. It also provides insights about how we can help our homeless
neighbors to find not only a home, but a new way of life. To solve the
homelessness crisis, we need policies, like Housing First, that provide
homeless people with decent, affordable housing. Equally important, we need to offer
services tailored to the unique needs of each individual. The government,
churches, families and individuals all have important roles to play. There are
no quick and easy fixes, but the good news is that there is hope.
For more about Denise Williams, see http://www.dr-denise.blue/
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