Holy, Blessed and Unholy Silence in Quaker Worship

At my Quaker meeting,  there has been  talk about silence and the role it plays in our times of worship. (Funny, isn't it, how Quakers love to talk about silence!)  Certainly, silence plays an important role in Quaker worship, but equally important is what Quakers call "waiting upon the Lord" or "listening spirituality." Quakers are called not just to meditate in silence, like Buddhists, but also to listen deeply and compassionately for the "still, small voice" within ourselves and others. We are called not to worship silence, but to worship in silence. 

I'd like to share my thoughts about the types of Quaker silence, based on my decades of experience as a Friend. There have been times when Quaker worship has been extremely helpful in my spiritual journey, and at other times not so much. In this blog I will share the kinds of silence that I have experienced, and also what kind of silence "speaks to my condition" during the Covid pandemic. You may have had experiences significantly different from my own, which are no doubt valid and important to you. If so, I'd love to hear about them. 

1) Holy silence. By this I mean a deep feeling of connection and peace that occurs when people come together and experience the Divine Spirit of Love and Truth. Holy silence is most likely to occur when people have a common purpose and intention and have had some previous experience of Holy Silence. This experience was called by early Friends a "Gathered Meeting," meaning that people feel that they have been gathered together under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. In this spiritual state, they usually find little need to speak and if they do, messages are usually brief and powerful.  

2) Blessed silence. This kind of silence occurs when people come together seeking to have a spiritual experience. Sincerely seeking, they wait in silence hopeful that this practice will bring them closer to each other and to something greater than themselves. They yearn for inner peace and often have a glimmering of  it. In this state of spiritual seeking, they are apt to speak of their personal struggles and experiences. This practice is akin to worship sharing. I call it “blessed” because it is genuine and honest and can lead to deeper spiritual insight. Sharing from the heart can bring people closer to each other and to the Divine. In my experience, most Quaker worship falls into this category.

3) Unholy silence.  I use this term advisedly, but I feel that I must use it since it describes what I have experienced from time to time in meetings where there is  judgmentalism and back biting. (Yes, there is back biting among Quakers, just like other religious people.) When people come together to worship in silence, some become extremely critical if anyone breaks the silence and speaks. They feel that this somehow desecrates the "holy silence" and impugn egotistic motives to the person speaking. They complain to the elders--Worship and Ministry--in hopes that the offending person will be "eldered" and silenced. They do not realize that their judgmentalism creates an atmosphere of intimidation that stifles the Spirit and prevents the kind of truly holy silence that they seek. 

Pacific Yearly Meeting’s Faith and Practice provides some useful and clear guidelines to help us to listen faithfully and compassionately in “holy silence:” 

“Friends try to listen more than they speak, keep an open heart, seek the Spirit behind the words and hold the speaker in love. Listeners may find it helpful to pray that the messenger is faithful to the call, and that God’s word will emerge through the medium of human speech. A message that does not speak to one person’s needs may be helpful to another. After a message has been given, it is important to allow time to ponder its meaning, letting the Spirit move through the assembly of Friends before another ministers.”

During this time of pandemic, it has been challenging to know how to practice our Quaker mode of worship while sitting in front of a computer screen staring at boxes with people’s faces. To me, it seems a little weird. For many weeks, people were disinclined to speak and I did not feel nourished spiritually. Staring for an hour at a silent screen only increased my sense of isolation. I asked myself, why not just go to my room and worship alone in contemplative silence? 

What I found most rewarding and fulfilling was not the "worship" but the fellowship time in break out groups that occurred afterwards. These gatherings met my need for connecting with my fellow Quakers. 

After many weeks of meetings in which no one spoke, it took courage to break the silence which had seemingly become habitual rather than Spirit-led. I was grateful when someone had the courage to share a message from her heart, and this inspired others to do likewise. Meetings in which people share from their hearts seem much more spiritually fulfilling to me than silently staring at a computer screen during this pandemic.  I am coming to feel that during these times when we are socially isolated, we need to practice worship sharing—or what I am calling “blessed silence”—rather that strive to be totally silent. Others may feel differently. But I hope that however we choose to worship, we can maintain a spirit of love and compassion towards one another. That, to me, is the purpose and the essence of genuine worship, whether Quaker or otherwise.